On "https://burstingwithhappiness.blogspot.com I tried to translate a beautiful poem of Rainer Maria Rilke. I would be very glad if you send me proposals how I can improve that translation.
I have a few doubts: is it utterly wrong to say - as Rilke did in German - "It drives the wind in winter woods/ the snowflakes.."? Of course I could have constructed a normal English sentence - but that would not have expressed the way Rilke frames it.
So: your help will be very welcomed!
Hi Britta ...... so sorry to have been absent for a while ..... difficult times for me at the moment ! I don't think that I'm good enough to help you with your translation dilemma ...... I think Rachel might be though. XXXX
ReplyDeleteI think whoever helps you would need to read German to a high standard, so that rules most of us out.
ReplyDeleteAs I don't speak a word of German, in spite of my numerous visits to Germany, I cannot be of any assistance. (I used to get terribly in a muddle on the Berlin underground not understanding any words). There are many translations I just looked at but they all vary tremendously. One I like on All Poetry website starts: The wind in winter woods is like a shepherd to his flock of flakes. xx
ReplyDeleteA search of whatever language to whichever language will give you a translation. I don't know if it will capture the beauty of a poem though.
ReplyDeleteSorry dear, can't help with this.
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by to wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy and Joyful New Year.
Hugs - Mary X
Thank you all!
ReplyDeleteI think that I wasn't telling you precisely what I wanted:
of course one has to know both languages to help a translation - what I hope for is your keen eye on a line of the poem - and of course Rilke didn't write "normally constructed" sentences, he is a poet, and a translator can only "feel" into a text and try to give the idea, the gist of a sentence or word he wrote.
E.g. your quote, Rachel, is interesting - but the first line in the poem you quote is not what Rilke said (of course we are talking of nuances).
Where I wanted help is:
if I try to give you a line as exactly as possible - is it still correct (grammar) in English? Do you understand the line as I translated it - or does it sound obscure or strange?
So: it is not necessary to look at the German text - only read my translation please and tell me if it sounds pleasant to your ear.
Thank you all! Britta xxx
I love the translation, dear Britta! The alliteration is evocative of the whoo-whoo-ing of wind in the trees. As to "correctness" of the grammar or obscurity, I'm the last person to adjudicate but it's quite the sort of thing I might write myself :)
ReplyDeleteOh dear Pip, thank you! I tried to be as near as I could to the text - words and rhythm.
ReplyDeleteI wish you a Merry Christmas!