Do you know that feeling: if you haven't done something for some time, one suddenly starts to hesitate. I hesitate to paint, I hesitate to write my blog, I hesitate to follow my routines.
Coming home a week ago from a beautiful little holiday in Zoutelande (Netherlands) I have to adjust.
I take a few steps back from my life, look hard, and see some things I will change.
My ideas are still a bit foggy and resemble the beautiful Bavarian landscape here in the morning (the photo I took two days ago).
But the sun will come out, contours will become clear, and ideas will pour.
Hopefully.
PS: I add a typical (a bit sentimental, but that IS typical German) Volkslied sung by late Rudolph Schock, which mirrors my little valley here in Bavaria:
Perhaps it is older age, perhaps long Covid or perhaps it is the social isolation caused by retirement. But I am not remotely surprised that you are hesitating to re-start something you haven't done for a while.
ReplyDeleteI used to happily drive everywhere, working or shopping or socialising with friends. Now driving makes me somewhat fearful about other people suddenly pulling out of parking spaces, for example :(
Dear Helen, the fear that someone might pull suddenly out of a parking space is reasonable, I think: driving includes a risk, and one has to react quick.
DeleteBavarian village life forced me to drive after a pause of almost 4 years - but to my surprise I like it (though I do not like parking).
As to my hesitations: I decided to do it as in school days when we had to jump from the spring board in swim lessons: don't think, just jump. :-)
I think my comment has gone into your spam.
DeleteThat's what I found out half an hour before - what can I do to stop comments going into that box?
DeleteA photograph of a morning full of hidden promise.
ReplyDeleteDear Tasker, that's what it is - the veil rises, you can see clear and fresh air is coming up - and a wonderful sunny day full of promises.
DeleteI like the photo of the foggy view. I don't hesitate about many things but I did hesitate about travelling again after Covid and three years since my last adventure. Now I have taken the plunge and go away again soon. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't lose my nerve at the last minute.
ReplyDeleteI believe that you are a born adventurer, a traveller, courageous and curious - so I like to hear that you will travel again, Rachel, and am utterly convinced you will do it! xxx
DeleteI know what you mean about hesitation. It often leads to procrastination - in my case for years.
ReplyDeleteYes, Tom - and procrastination is (as I believe) the fear of not being able to do it perfect. Does it make any sense to paint now - for whom? Or write - for whom? I often forget that at least during painting I forget all that - (even myself :-)
DeleteAnd once I started it's ok.
Dear Britta - Similar feelings may have captured many of us. We have all spent too much time during the Pandemic, and its aftermath, endeavouring to keep ourselves safe. Things normally carried out without much thought appear to have slipped away from us and fallen by the wayside.
ReplyDeleteI am trying really hard to pick up as many fallen pieces as I can and carry on with life as it was.
Thank you, Rosemary, for your kind and wise words!
DeleteLife is so often surprising with its caprioles - I had a very bad feeling at the start of the Twenties (look at that time a hundred years before..) - but in my life I never believed that a pandemic , an awful war and a real economic crisis would happen.
Yet I cling to the Buddha's words: "Every day is a good day."
We are alive, and can be thankful for so much - and picking up those pieces might be very difficult, but is possible - though the mosaic will be a new picture, that is what I believe.
The one and only true constant in life is change. Sometimes in the midst of change it can be temporarily unsettling. Then change brings a new rhythm and calm. Until the next...change.
ReplyDeleteI am with you, dear Susan - as a "wayward taoist" I believe in change - and circles - but sometimes it needs a while to remind me that change will always happen, whether I like it or not. And sometimes I get a bit tired... But having "spunk" makes me curious how the following episode will work out.
DeleteI am intrigued to hear about changes you will make, as they unfold. I think at my age change that I choose can be invigorating.
ReplyDeleteTrue, dear Terra! I am always torn between change and rituals/habits - but something new brings strength/life, that's why I love to communicate with young people - but with older ones too, because their wisdom makes me feel more secure.
DeleteI always have a difficult time restarting after not doing something for a while. I think I probably have a new interest instead. Lovely valley.
ReplyDeleteDear Mimmylynn - I do understand the longing for something utterly new. And sometimes one is very lucky to get just that - if not, one has to try to start with something new in the old (instead of Aquarelle I try Gouache at the moment).
DeleteYes, old routines are like tatters in the wind. What to do with them...?
ReplyDeleteLook hard at them, ponder, keep one or two, and throw the others into the bin.
DeleteThough nowadays some of them (and often more than we would like) get "recycled" - and stay...
I know that feeling well, too. Sometimes I just need to seize upon something and do it without thinking, else procrastination is my steadiest friend, hahah. I look forward to getting a glimpse through the mist at your new contours :)
ReplyDeleteYour Rudolph Schock video is so quaint! The google translation suggests he's getting all lyrical about a quiet valley enjoyed in one's autumnal decline toward the grave - not how I imagine you in your Bavarian valley!
"...and do it without thinking" - that, Pip, is what I often tell myself (and others): "Don't wait till you "feel" like doing it - just do it."
DeleteI think it was William James who said: "Motivation follows action." And for me it is the best advice ever.
Oh yes, that video! Quaint that I suddenly enjoy a singer whom my parents adored (while I sneered); and quaint is the text (the "Volkslied" is said - so as fairy tales - to come out of the soul of a country, and Germans do have a sentimental side (I could now write a little essay about 'sentimentality and Kitsch - versus real feelings and art' - but I am too lazy this beautiful Sunday morning, so I won't.)
And yes: Google got the gist - though even dear Rudi puts the event of his death into a very far away future :-) (And embezzles that German Law would never allow him to rest his tired bones IF there is no cemetery.)
As always you bring a big smile on my face - Pip, humour is the essential pinch to spend our given days in a decent way!
Life here in the village is sometimes VERY quiet (though NOT when the triplets are around) and one can become melancholy or a tiny weeny bit bored - then it is strongly recommended to flee for a few days into a roaring city like Berlin!